Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize