dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
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as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
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wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.