so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Randomize
