he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
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