Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
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a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
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Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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