I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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