I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Watching her eat just hurts me
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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