You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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