i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
