ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
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