Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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