Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize