Whatcha textin bout Willis?
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
25 People Confess Their Favorite Way To Annoy Their Significant Other
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
These 21 Women Share What Sexual Harassment In The Military Is Really Like
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...