I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I look better un-naked...
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN