Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
But break dance skills will only take you so far
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?