I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
