Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
