where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Randomize
