Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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