The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
