I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
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