dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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