dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Randomize
