She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
