I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
We had sex on a dog bed..
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
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