dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
