If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
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