why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
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Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
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Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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