well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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