The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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