I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize