we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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