Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Hippo gnu deer
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
