I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize