I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Randomize
