Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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