i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
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I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
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A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
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