but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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