Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
