I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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