sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
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