dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
