at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.