we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.