The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.