ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.