the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
