Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Randomize
