exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.