you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.