You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.