New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.