She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I am available for nakedness
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.