So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
You blew him?!?!
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!