Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
