We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize