Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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