the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
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Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
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Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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