I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
