Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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