brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
